Somewhere along the way, we started calling dysfunction normal.
Burnout, inflammation, anxiety, hormone imbalances, chronic illness—we don’t even question them anymore. We medicate, push through, or chalk it up to aging.
But what if what’s breaking us isn’t personal at all—but cultural?
That’s the core of The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté—a book that doesn’t just diagnose modern illness, but asks us to question the world we’ve adapted to.
Maté writes about—the pressure to perform, the fear of slowing down, the unspoken grief we carry—it’s everywhere.
And I’ve felt it too. In the quiet pressure to keep moving through grief. In the way exhaustion can feel like ambition. In the way rest can feel like something that has to be earned.
We’ve Normalized What’s Not Okay
Stress that never shuts off. Schedules that don’t leave room to feel. Living on the edge of depletion, then blaming ourselves for not coping better.
Dr. Maté makes the case that many of today’s mental and physical health struggles aren’t isolated problems—they’re symptoms of a culture deeply disconnected from what it means to be human. A culture that rewards numbing over noticing.
We’ve been told to fit in, keep it together, and stay productive—even when it’s costing us our peace, our health, and our sense of self.
Trauma isn’t always what you think it is
One idea in particular stayed with me: trauma isn’t always the big, dramatic stuff. It can be subtle. A childhood where you had to be “good” instead of real. Moments when you shut down instead of speaking up. Times when your body said no and you said yes anyway.
Over time, those disconnections from self become patterns—and sometimes pain. We lose pieces of ourselves without even realizing it.
Maté reminds us that trauma is what happens inside you, not just what happened to you. Healing doesn’t mean fixing what’s broken. It means remembering who you were before you learned to abandon yourself.
The body keeps the score—but the culture keeps us spinning
We’re often told that illness or depression is a chemical imbalance. But what if it’s a relational imbalance? With our past, our boundaries, our unmet needs?
Maté talks about how trauma and stress live in the body—contributing to autoimmune issues, anxiety, gut problems, and fatigue. And yet we rarely connect the dots. We treat the symptoms but skip the story underneath.
And I get it. Because slowing down to feel is uncomfortable. It’s easier to stay busy.
We keep moving because pausing feels unbearable. We scroll, we hustle, we self-improve, all to outrun the quiet ache underneath.
But the ache doesn’t disappear. It waits. And sometimes, our bodies start to speak the pain we’re unwilling to name.
But busy won’t heal what needs to be heard.
Healing isn’t just personal—it’s cultural
One of the most powerful ideas in The Myth of Normal is that healing isn’t just about green smoothies and meditation apps. It’s about reclaiming our right to feel, to rest, to take up space without apologizing.
To stop calling ourselves “too sensitive” when we’re simply tuned in.
To stop measuring our worth by our productivity.
To stop pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.
Real strength isn’t in the mask—it’s in the willingness to take it off.
What this stirred in me
If disconnection is the disease, then awareness is the beginning of repair.
t nudged me to rethink—and held up a mirror to some of my own patterns: how I’ve kept myself going through grief, how I’ve hidden in high-functioning habits that looked admirable from the outside but hollow on the inside, and how often I’ve tried to “earn” rest instead of allowing it.
It gave me permission to ask different questions:
- Where did I learn to override myself?
- What have I normalized that’s quietly harming me?
- What would healing look like if I stopped trying to do it perfectly?
Healing isn’t about escaping the world we live in. It’s about daring to live differently inside of it.
One choice at a time, one moment of noticing at a time, we begin to change everything.There’s no checklist. No one-size-fits-all plan. But there is a quiet rebellion in starting with awareness. And self-compassion. And the willingness to name what no longer works.
“The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain. The essence of trauma is disconnection from the self.”
—Gabor Maté
